4 Ways To Build A Healthy Identity
/It’s no lie that we are born a “blank slate”. As we grow and develop, we begin to identify who we are and what makes us, us. Our true identity is discovered prior to fostering relationships with others, having children, and beginning our careers. The unfortunate thing that occurs is that we often lose focus of our own true identity once these different life aspects happen for us. We find that our identity will adapt to our environment and sometimes we often mold our identity to fit into the life we work on creating as time marches on. As we age and our children leave the home, friends come and go, relationships begin and end, it’s important that we take time to return to focusing on our true identity as individuals to ensure we don’t lose sight of ourselves.
While working with those who may be going through a life transition, I’m often approached with, “Alyssa, I don’t know who I am”. I encourage my clients to think about who they were prior to this big life transition. What did you enjoy? What were some obstacles you may have been willing to tackle that you wouldn’t dare tackle now? Most importantly, do you remember who you were? Chances are that these questions may not be easily answered which is why you’re struggling to figure out who you are in this stage of life. The good news is, you can take charge and re-discover your identity at any time and define who you are!
Here are 4 ways to build a healthy identity:
The first area is going to be focusing on building positive relationships. This doesn’t mean that you must get rid of the relationships you already have but you’re going to want to surround yourself with people who value and respect you! It’s imperative that if the relationships you have aren’t of value and respect, you create healthy boundaries to ensure you’re achieving this. Boundaries can be challenging but they are pivotal in creating a healthy and safe environment.
The second area of focus is going to be based off self-reflection. If there are times of self-doubt, finding the underlying cause of this can change your outlook on who you are. Buildup of this self-doubt can cause insecurities which may impact your personal and professional growth. Take some time to look within and pay attention to your behaviors to identify where some of your insecurities may lie. Our thoughts and emotions directly impact our behaviors (good or bad) so take time to think about how you’re feeling and what actions you’re taking based off these emotions. If you’re struggling with identifying emotions deeper than frustrated, angry, or sad refer to an emotions wheel (can be found on google search).
The third area is implementing positive affirmations. These can be the most challenging when you’re struggling with insecurities and self-identity. Positive affirmations are positive acts or statements that can be used to challenge negative self-talk which can enable you to move through threats to your self-identity. These affirmations can be physical reminders such as sticky notes left in your most commonly used spaces or even verbal reminders like saying something positive to yourself each day. If used often, these can create a positive headspace and will help you accept who you are.
The fourth and most important area is to add in mindfulness as a daily practice. Mindfulness can be something short and sweet but must be intentional. Just like self-reflection, mindfulness is something that encourages you to take a step back away from the stress and worries of your everyday life. It’s encouraged that you to look inward and recognize why you’re feeling the way you do. Mindfulness requires you to focus on your environment and to take a moment of pause. Examples of mindfulness include relaxing, meditation, and focusing on sounds or thoughts. During this pause, take time to be more aware of yourself and your surroundings. Refer to a video on YouTube for guided meditation or one of the various mindfulness related apps you can download on your phone. I also encourage you to go outside, take your shoes off and step in the grass. Embrace the feeling of the grass beneath your feet and the sounds of the area in which you’re standing. There are no wrong ways to conduct mindfulness as long as the end result is you feeling more relaxed and at peace.
If you’re struggling to understand who you are or what your true identity is, don’t be afraid to bring this up with your therapist who can help you walk through this journey of life and challenge you to become your true authentic self!
Therapists with The Counseling Collective can help support you in understanding your authentic self. The mental health therapists at our office also offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with kids, teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Schedule An Appointment here.