When we think of our current relationships, we may often wonder why we feel safe and connected in some, but in others, we feel anxious or distant. Sound familiar? This idea of the way we connect, or sometimes struggle to connect, with others often traces back to a concept known as attachment styles. These patterns are how we relate to others in society, influenced early in our childhood, that continue to shape our relationships within adulthood.

The good news you ask? Having some clarity of your attachment style can not only help you build healthier connections, but also feel more empowered in your relationships and shift away from generational patterns.

When someone you trust deeply breaks that trust, it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Your mind may feel like it is spinning, and everything around you can start to seem strange or unreal. You might try to talk with your partner about what happened, hoping they will understand your pain. But instead, your emotions may be brushed aside or minimized. You may hear things like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’re overreacting.” When this happens, you can start to doubt your own feelings and thoughts. You may wonder if you are the problem or if you are imagining things. Slowly, you begin to lose trust in yourself.

You may also feel constantly on edge, watching for signs of what your partner might do next. You might check their phone, social media, or other resources more than you ever have before. You might feel suspicious, anxious, or scared, even if you were never this way in the past. As everything changes, it may feel like you no longer recognize yourself—or your partner.

All of these reactions are common. In fact, they are normal responses to something called betrayal trauma.