4 Ways To Develop Emotional Awareness

When traveling a year ago, I saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said, “Emotions Destroy Everything”.  Oh boy.  This made me and those who I was traveling with laugh because we all could relate a little too well.  When thinking about feeling emotion, it honestly seems easier to just not let yourself feel. Feeling emotion takes time, energy, is messy, and can really feel just plain down uncomfortable.  It seems easier to just push the emotions away, to push them down or push them out.  They seem more like a nuisance than helpful.  This may be how you feel too.  But do emotions really destroy everything?  Let’s take a minute to explore this.

A catchy way to think about emotions is, “in order to deal, you must feel”.  So, essentially if you want to be able to handle life and move towards your goals and have successful relationships, you have to learn the skill of noticing your emotions and letting yourself feel your emotions to deal with them.  Feeling emotion may seem like such an easy concept, but in reality it can be more complicated than that.

Emotions communicate something to us.  You may have heard it said before that emotions are like the engine light that goes off on your car dashboard saying that something is wrong with the engine. If you choose to ignore the light, with time your engine might die. It may even indicate that something else is malfunctioning with the car.  To make sure your car continues to drive, the best practice would be to take it to the mechanic to have them look at what needs to be fixed and have them fix it. This is what it is like with your emotions.  You have to first notice your emotions and notice when your emotions are trying to tell you something, like that light on the dashboard.  But you can’t stop there.  Best practice is to notice the emotion, stop and look at your emotion, accept your emotions, examine what it is trying to tell you, and then learn how to take action to keep moving forward. 

When trying to deal with your emotions, here are four things to do:

1.    Develop Awareness

I like to coach my clients to begin “being curious” about what they notice as they go through their day. What do they notice in their body as well as when they feel distressed about something. Once you notice some sort of tension in your body or that your mood has altered in some way, you can be curious about what this tension in your body and mood is about and is trying to tell you. Ask yourself a couple of questions. Is it related to a recent situation that has happened, or that you anticipate happening? Is it connected to specific thoughts that you are thinking about yourself, someone else, or a situation?

2.    Accept

Once you identify what it is that you are feeling, it can be helpful to not latch on to the emotion, but to acknowledge it, and then be able to come to accept that this is what you are feeling, and then to let it go. One way to practice this concept of acceptance and letting go is to imagine you are standing in front of a stream and you see a leaf falling off a tree into the stream of water. As you stand there, you watch the leaf float in front of you as you just notice it but don’t do anything about it. You can handle your distressing emotions the same way. When you notice an emotion, notice it, and then imagine that it is passing in front of you like that leaf. You are not getting hooked on it, attached to it, or even trying to figure it out. You are accepting that this emotion is coming, and you are choosing to let it go. You can let it go because these emotions are just that, emotions. They do not define you and determine who you are, and you have a choice about what you are going to do with them when they come. You can’t control them when they come, but what you decide to do with them when they come. 

3.    Examine

Once you have a little more time, it is beneficial to come back to the emotion you were feeling as it will reveal to you what is going on in your mind and in your heart. Our emotions are directly correlated to what we think and what we believe about ourselves, others, and the world around us. It’s important to evaluate if what you are thinking is true, helpful, and based on evidence. It's important to take time to pause and not skip this step as this is an opportunity to change how you are thinking so that it aligns with what is true and ultimately aligned with your values. 

4.    Take Action

In addition to the steps listed, you may find that you will need additional strategies to help you deal with your emotions. These can vary depending on your preference and what you find does and doesn’t work for you.

These activities to consider to deal with your emotions can include:

·      Writing your emotions in a journal

·      Talking to a friend

·      Talking to your therapist about the feelings and thoughts you are noticing

·      I encourage my clients to do daily self check-ins. This is a skill to be learned. I recommend creating a daily practice of this to build up your ability to not only heighten your emotional awareness but also increase your ability to tolerate your emotions.

·      For those whose faith is important to them, prayer would be a good way of releasing this emotion.

·      Going for a walk

·      Practice deep breathing

·      Doing a creative activity such as painting or drawing

 The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with kids, teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Schedule An Appointment here.