Overcoming Self Sabotaging Behaviors

Can’t get out of your own way?

Nothing frustrates me more than a  broken or glitchy GPS system. Often they take us in the wrong direction, prolong our destination, and lead us into heavier traffic and traffic lights. The worst part of it all is that it produces massive anxiety in the process. At the time, using the GPS FEELS like the right thing to do but sometimes it is ACTUALLY an inconvenience. Maybe using a GPS has benefited us more often than not, therefore it’s just a natural and comfortable habit of going places. Self-sabotaging behaviors are very similar to broken GPS systems in a sense that often we don’t realize there’s anything wrong until we are further or distant from our goals and/or destination. Self-sabotaging behaviors are identified as perceptions and behaviors individuals engage in that creates hindrances that prolongs or cripples you from reaching or maximizing your potential. Have you found yourself in a season where it feels like certain areas of your life are in shambles? Do you question why your relationships appear to be a mess? Are you confused as to why your professional and/or academic career isn’t where you think it should be? Are there physical features within your control being neglected? Maybe you believe you have a good life, but still find it hard to feel joy, happiness, or fulfillment. It may be time to thoroughly analyze your actions and behaviors to determine whether they appropriately and efficiently align with your vision and goals for ALL the areas in your life. Unfortunately, some things in life are inevitable in which we have no control over. However, there are plenty in which we do have control over such as managing our mental health so that we can better position ourselves for success.

Why do we Self-Sabotage?

Everyday we make conscious and subconscious choices that influence desired progress and goals. You could be stuck in old lifestyle patterns that conflict with your current or new seasonal goals. At some point, we must ask ourselves, are we too committed to our norms that we hinder our own success? Where did these patterns, norms, or values even come from? So many different factors that contribute to our patterns of behavior and thinking. Were they socially learned by the environment in which you came from? Have you been taught to heavily depend on your EMOTION or REASON mind instead of your WISE mind? It could be your personal or emotional attributes that shape your behaviors such as personality, beliefs, expectations, and or feelings. Maybe, it’s your life experiences e.g., trauma, family, or culture.All of these attributing factors become our way of life. Naturally, we tend to cling to what’s familiar or what has worked in the past. We often associate familiarity with comfort and safety. What if I told you that comfort and familiarity could in some cases, be unhealthy and unsafe? Self-sabotage behaviors are often confused or mistaken as a defense mechanism or protective practice. Occasionally,  the results of its use are more painful than the events that actually provoked the self-sabotaging behaviors. Instead of it guarding you, it caused more long-term pain and strife. Sometimes, without even realizing, we make decisions to avoid the intense disappointment we’ve once felt in a similar previous situation without trusting that outcome could be different. The variables within the two similar events could be completely different but yet produce the same fear causing us to AVOID. It may feel like you’re consciously avoiding disappointment all the while you’re subconsciously disappointing yourself by remaining in a state of unfulfillment and discontentment. Traumatic events, negative self-image, poor relationships, distrust, and insecurities ALL play significant roles in our conscious and subconscious self-sabotaging behaviors.

What do Self-Sabotaging Behaviors look like?

You might highlight and focus on the negative in most, if not all,  situations. Or, you procrastinate on completing tasks due to fear of failure and lack of self control. Or, maybe you tend to have unrealistic expectations or standards to live it up to. You also might have a tendency to avoiding situations and interactions that you can’t control. Or, you overanalyze the behaviors of themselves and others.

Four ways to defeat Self-Sabotaging Behaviors:

In therapy, we can assess your core beliefs and work to reframe them to be more accurate (just like Alyssa’s blog here from last time). But, here are some things to try at home:

●      Journal

○      Record your thoughts to identify cognitive errors and create self-awareness on how and why you think the way you do. Notice patterns with your behaviors and how you are feeling.

●      Mindfulness

○      Change can be scary. Thinking about negative past experiences and potential poor future outcomes can deter us making the changes we need. Mindfulness practices  keeps us grounded. It helps us reduce the anxiety and fear of taking steps towards healthy change. Try grounding or deep breathing.

●      Radical Acceptance

○      Accepting your circumstance alleviates the intense and  painful feelings associated with it. Try just accepting, without any value judgement of good or bad, and see how that feels.

●      Opposite Action

○      Do the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing that has gotten you nowhere.

 If you are ready to focus on your self sabotaging behaviors, we can help! The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.