How to challenge 2 Common Mental Mistakes
/Have you spent days where nothing seems to go right? You find yourself thinking negatively even though there are still positive aspects of your life? There’s a reason for that! They are errors in our thinking that are called Cognitive Distortions or Mental Mistakes and they’re designed to put you in a negative headspace without you even recognizing it. People who experience anxiety or depression often face these negative thoughts. These mistakes in our thinking often occur as a way of coping with negative life events and the longer these negative events occur, there is an increased likelihood that one or more of these mental mistakes will develop. It seems easier to accept these negative thoughts than work through them, however there are different ways to identify and combat them. My hope is to help you understand what these mistakes are and how you can decrease them! Keep in mind while reading and learning about these errors in our thinking that you may feel that “all of these apply to me”. Many individuals experience mental mistakes in their thinking but the good news is, YOU CAN WORK TOWARD GETTING THROUGH THEM! This blog will cover 2 mental mistakes and ways to work through them.
1. The first mistake is called “black and white thinking”, polarized thinking or all-or-nothing thinking. This thinking is exactly what it sounds like, either this or that, yes or no, “all or nothing”. There is no room for the “gray area” of thinking. Thoughts that fall into this category make you feel you’re either doomed to fail or destined for success. A prime example of this would be in giving a presentation. You give a stellar school presentation, however there was one moment within your presentation that you “flub”. You receive the feedback from your teacher, and they give you the compliment sandwich (positive feedback, something you can improve on, and another positive attribute). The only thing you focus on is that one area of improvement and it sends your brain into a spiral of “I failed”, “My presentation sucked”, “I’ll never be good enough”. This is almost never true, and we get stuck with an unrealistic thought which you have difficulty overcoming. Incorporate grey thinking which will teach you to use the wider spectrum that separates the black and white. An important question to ask yourself would be, “How many different ways could other people interpret this?”.
How can you work through this?
Changing your language from ‘always’ and ‘never’ to ‘sometimes’ and ‘perfect’ or ‘imperfect’ can become ‘good at some things, bad at others’.
Practice being mindful. Mindfulness can help you focus on your thoughts as well as bodily sensations. Being more mindful can help you learn to cope with your thoughts without needing to directly interact with them.
Journal or talk out loud with what you would say to a friend. If we had a friend experiencing the same situation, we would most likely be kind and forgiving. What exactly would you say to them? Once you figure out what you’d say, apply it to yourself!
Create a best-case scenario. We often focus on a worst-case scenario when it comes to black and white thinking. Shift your focus on challenging this negative thought with a best-case scenario. Or, even the most likely case scenario. Though it may seem you’re moving from one extreme to the other, this movement can challenge you to be more realistic with your thoughts and help you recognize that you’re thinking in black and white.
2. The second mental mistake is Overgeneralization. This type of negative thinking can be associated with post-traumatic stress disorder and other anxiety disorders. This is when you make one conclusion about one event/item/person and then that conclusion sticks with you throughout the rest of your experiences with that event/item/person. The two words associated with overgeneralization are ‘always’ and never’. It’s not ideal to make a general assumption of something over one experience as there could be outside factors that have played a role in the outcome of this situation. An example of this could be related to dogs. Dogs? How could that play a part in negative thinking? Well, let’s say you’re walking down the street on a beautiful day, and you come across a small poodle off its leash. You approach the dog, and it bites your hand. This interaction then leads you to assume and believe that all poodles are going to bite you. It’s important to remember that making one assumption based on one interaction may cause you to avoid certain things or situations. A question to ask yourself would be, “What evidence suggests that things could now be different?”.
How can you work through this?
See if the statement you’re making is accurate. When you use words like “never” and “always”, slow yourself down and ask if those statements are accurate. If the words are accurate then use this as motivation to make a change!
Use more specific language and be more realistic. For example, if your spouse “always” forgets to buy milk change it to my spouse “often” forgets to buy milk. This can help you feel less angry and levelheaded about the situation at hand.
Continue to practice making these changes. Changing your thoughts can take time and its unrealistic for you to think these changes are going to change overnight, so keep practicing!
Making these small changes and trying new skills can help combat your negative thoughts and have a more positive outlook on your life! Check back on the blog for a follow up post on some more mental mistakes and ways to overcome them!
The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.