4 Ways To Support A Loved One

Many of us have loved ones who are struggling right now.  They might be struggling with the quarantine, with losing their job, with anxiety about getting sick with COVID-19, or even with school starting back up.  We obviously care for our loved ones, and want the best for them.  But, sometimes we feel completely helpless to help them.  And, even with our best intentions, we might say something that doesn’t actually help or that makes things worse. Saying things like “Why are you so depressed? You have so much going for you?” is like saying to someone has asthma “Why can’t you breathe? There is so much air.” We are often well meaning, but our “help” can fall short.

Those Who Know They Are Struggling

Perhaps one of our loved ones can come to us and say “I’m really depressed right now”.  This is actually a good thing.  It means they have enough insight to know their mood, to know what is going on right now is not typical for them.  Thank them for feeling comfortable enough to share this with you.

Those Who Don’t Know They Are Struggling (or won’t admit it)

For these loved ones, letting them know how you feel about your struggles might help them realize they aren’t alone and to admit how they feel.  Sharing our troubles is a very normalizing experience – it’s the “Oh, wow, you feel this too?!” sort of shared experience.  You can also point out any behaviors you see that you are concerned about, such as increased drinking of alcohol, or increased refusal to get out of bed. 

Regardless of which of the above categories your loved one falls into, here are 4 tips for you to keep in mind as you are supporting a loved one who might have mental health concerns.  Let me remind you that it’s not your job to fix them or their issue.  What you can do is help them to not feel so alone.  You can care for them, but maintain a boundary that their issues are not yours to solve.  They have to help themselves. 

1.     Just listen – Sometimes simply a compassionate ear is what is needed.  Don’t feel that you need to give advice, or solve their problem.  Just listen without judgement, encouraging them to share their feelings. Don’t underestimate how impactful it can be to really see them, and really hear them and their struggles.

2.     Empathize with them – Saying “I’m sure this is hard” helps them to know you actually heard what they said.  You might be the only person in their life right now who they can trust to be genuine and authentic and truly care for them.

3.     Remind them of good self care –Concrete things like getting out of bed, getting a shower, getting dressed, eating, drinking water all can seem overwhelming if someone is struggling with a mental health issue.  So, having you remind them of these things could be beneficial.   This is where healthy boundaries come into play though.  You can remind them of ways to care for themselves, but be careful not to nag them.  Also, be careful to not try to help them more than they are helping themselves.  Are they doing things like keeping their own therapy appointments, going to the Doctor for medication checks, or taking their medications?  If not, you can help remind them of these things too.  In the end though, they are responsible for taking care of themselves. 

4.     Be concrete with how you can help – We might say “Let me know if you need anything”.  While this comment tends to come from a kindhearted place, it’s abstract and usually not very helpful.  Instead, be concrete with what you can do, such as saying “I’m going to drop dinner off for you tonight”, “Let’s Zoom tonight at 6”, or send a card in the mail.

Remember that many are struggling right now (and have been for a while!) because of the quarantine.  This quarantine has exacerbated issues for many people, and has brought other new issues to light. If a loved one opens up to you, be honored that they trust you! And, encourage them to seek professional help.  Coming from a place of compassion and understanding will allow them know you care for them and are there to support them. If you or a loved one need further help, please consider contacting The Counseling Collective to schedule an appointment. We have morning, afternoon, and evening hours available, including Saturday hours! We are licensed professional therapists who are here to help you and your loved ones. We are all in this together- there is no need to struggle through something alone!

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.