5 Tips On Adjusting Your Expectations Of Yourself

Wow, isn’t this a new world we are all trying to navigate!  Covid-19 has quickly changed so much of our lives. Suddenly, many of us are working from home, with our kids at home too, without our typical supports and outlets.  Our kids have school work to do, while we are trying to do work, and we are trying to keep it all together running smoothly without going out in public too much.  We are all suffering from various forms of grief: kids who are missing their friends, plays, and proms, weddings postponed, baby showers cancelled, funerals postponed.  In the midst of all of this juggling and cancelled events, we are all living with the reality that our world has changed, and with that might come fear or anxiety related to all this uncertainty.  Change is hard for us all, let alone change in nearly every aspect of our lives!

In light of all of this, I encourage you to adjust expectations for yourself.  Don’t think of it as lowering your expectations, but setting new more realistic expectations for yourself and your new routine.  Expecting yourself to be a mom/dad, a worker, a teacher, a spouse all at the same time is hard!  Especially day after day, with no physical support from your neighbor, or the grandparents, or your best friend.  The expectations you had for yourself pre-quarantine are probably not very realistic for the “quarantine and stay at order” time most of us are in.

Here are 5 simple tips for how to shift these expectations and to keep you in good mental health:

1.     Ask yourself “How might my old expectations for myself be unrealistic now?”  This honest evaluation can help you understand that working nonstop for 8 solid hours might not be possible when you are working from home.  So, I’d suggest breaking up your work day to include a lunch time walk outside or some stretching every so often.  Or, perhaps another pre-quarantine expectation was that you make a homecooked meal nightly.  That probably isn’t going to happen when you have to cook 3 meals EVERY DAY for the entire family now.  So, give yourself a break and order curbside one night.  What a treat!  

2. Another question to ask yourself is “Are these expectations helping me feel better/happier, or are they making me feel worse/sadder/more discouraged?” In general, I’d guess holding on to those older expectations probably are making you feel more stressed, or worse. And, life is hard enough right now! So, don’t be so hard on yourself. Most of your expectations were probably self imposed (“I will homeschool my child for 3 hours daily”) and as a result, you alone have the power to shift them. Be less rigid and more flexible with yourself and what you are asking of yourself.

3.     Think about how you can simplify things.  In my previous blog post on taking care of you, I suggested keeping a routine, but being flexible with it.  In this same spirit, can you make a grocery store run every 2 weeks rather than weekly?  Could you do laundry weekly rather than every 3 days?  Maybe a slightly more TV time is acceptable for the kids while you and your spouse are virtually working.  Yes, I still suggest sticking to a normal routine, but it’s ok to bend a little bit to make things simpler for you.

4.     Increase communication with your partner or spouse.  Especially if neither of you worked from home previously, and you do not have two separate offices to work from, it’s important to think about things like who is going to be on the phone when.  Does she have a conference call at 10am?  Or, do you need quiet to focus on work?  Or do you need privacy for your own online counseling session?  Rather than assuming you know what your partner needs or wants, have clear conversations about these things on a regular basis.

5.     As I said in this blog on mom guilt, we are all just doing the best we can.  Give yourself some grace!  Practice self compassion and good self care.  Taking care of ourselves is one of the first things to go when we get stressed, but it is so important.  Drink some water.  Take a bath.  Take a walk.  Go for a run.  Paint your fingernails.  Remind yourself you are doing the best you can, and be satisfied with that for now.

We are all in uncharted territory here.  We all need to figure out how to adapt and adjust since things in our world have been turned upside down with the coronavirus.  Shifting your expectations can help you to not feel weighed down from all the obligations and responsibilities you have while attempting to navigate this strange new world.  And, if you find you need a little more support, please reach out to our office.  Our offices remain open and we are taking new clients!  You don’t have to figure this all out on your own.

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.