4 Ways to Overcome Mom Guilt

Mom Guilt.

It’s a thing.  Trust me.  As much as you love your career, or friends, or your independence, you might feel guilty leaving your little ones to go to work or to meet a friend for dinner. Or, maybe you feel guilty because you stay at home with the kids and aren’t contributing financially to the family income.

Just in the past few weeks, I’ve heard:

“Momma, can you hold me now?” as I’m applying my makeup for the day

“Nooooo! You’re leaving again?!”

“Momma, I don’t like when you go to work”

“Put your phone down”

How do you feel when you hear these comments? How do you respond? They are heart-breaking for sure. But what if you love your job?  What if you have to go to work for financial reasons?  What if you don’t even work full time?!  What if you are elbow deep in dish water and can’t pick up and hold the little one right then? What if you have a conference call in 5 minutes? What if Momma Needs A Night Out?!

Mom Guilt is that feeling that you should be with your littles EVERY. MINUTE. OF. EVERY. DAY.  Pick them up on demand, play with them on demand. And, when you’re not able to (even for very valid, good reasons!), there may be some guilt that creeps in. Mom guilt can also be the feeling that you are not a good enough mom, or that you “should” be doing things differently/better.

Let me be clear that I do NOT have this Mom Guilt thing mastered.  It is certainly an issue I struggle with. But, this is an area I am really working hard to feel better in. I have two little ones at home, but I love my career and have a business to run too. I want to feel more competent, more confident, in myself and what I am doing both at home and at the office.

Here are 4 ways I’m handling Mom Guilt when it creeps in:

1 - Make the time you have worth it. Focus on littles when with them. Focus on work then you’re there. Use mindfulness or grounding (refer to my video here) to be present In The Moment.  Along those same lines….Don’t multitask.  Set boundaries and stick to them. Don’t check your work email at home or perhaps try to only check it at certain time.  Or, only check email after the kids are in bed. Or better yet, not at all at home. I personally struggle with this! Running a business, and having therapists who see clients at times I am not in the office, I want to be accessible. I want to respond promptly to their emails. But the reality is, what I respond to at 7pm at night probably can wait until the next morning at 9am when I’m in the office. I get that it’s hard though!!! This is one area I am trying to work at-setting aside times when I put my phone or iPad down and don’t touch it. You might find this article I contributed to on LNP on cell phones useful on this.

2 –  I challenge you to not have  Work - Life Balance, but rather authenticity in all areas of your life, including at home, at work, in the community.  I heard Jenna Kutcher talk about this work life integration on the Tony Robbins podcast from January 2020.  So, strive to be the same at home as you are at work. The same personality. The same drive. The same values. That can help with easing the transition from one place to another if you are the same -funny, sarcastic, kind, or assertive-in all environments. Your mind won’t have to exert itself as much to switch gears from one space to another. And you’ll be more real all the way around.

3 – Speaking of the transition home….Use your drive home to leave work stress at work. Take some deep breaths (watch this video for how to do this), practice grounding (watch this video here!), or put your windows down and sing along to the radio. Use the drive to decompress so that when you arrive home, you can fully focus on the littles. Don’t use this time to finish up that last conference call, or to follow up on that last email you sent before you walked out of the office.  (This is one I have a hard time sticking to.  I often making calls while I’m driving….multitasking at it’s finest, right?!)  But I find that the days I don’t do much else but drive and notice what’s around me, maybe even drive in total silence, those are the days I feel less hurried and more relaxed and happy when I arrive home. Do yourself a favor and allow yourself some time and space to transition from work mode to mom mode.

4 - Remind yourself of the cool things your little ones are doing when not with you. Maybe they’re learning new things at preschool or they are around peers playing. Maybe they are getting precious one-on-one time with Grandma and Grandpa. Or, maybe Auntie is taking them for a special park date. You not being with your littles ones every moment of the day allows them time to bond with other important people in their lives, to create a relationship with that other person without your presence or influence.  They can create traditions or secret handshakes independent of you. When you think about it, what a wonderful gift you are giving them all!

Guilt that we’re at home and not earning income or guilt that we are at work and not with the littles. There is most likely always guilt that will creep in. What kind of guilt it is might change, but let’s all work to lessen this guilt. Let’s work to feel more empowered in all of our roles. You know why? Because we are all fabulous. We are all doing the best we can. May we continue to strive to be authentically happy in all the roles we juggle.

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.