Improve Your Marriage : 3 Tips To Increase Closeness To Your Partner

What happens when your relationship stops being a priority? Most will speak to the difficulty of maintaining closeness in marriage or romantic relationships. We often find ourselves lost in the hustle and grind of our day to day lives. It is so easy to get overwhelmed with everyday stressors such as managing work projects, family tension, or even your child’s soccer practices! Slowly over time that spark begins to fade and those feelings of excitement are replaced with monotony and endless binging of our “favorite” series, leading to disconnection and apathy. I know many couples who find themselves struggling to feel connected or motivated to connect with their partners. How do we fix this? What can we do to remind each other of how important our relationship is? Well today I have a couple of tips that have helped couples to bring some connection and intimacy back into their relationship.

Tip #1- Set boundaries so you can have “Us” time!

Everyones identity is made up of multiple roles. You may be a parent, a child, a sibling, and not to mention you are an  individual. When things get heated in those areas, our role as spouse or partner often takes a backseat to the many other roles that feel like a priority.  However the truth is that if your role as a spouse is being neglected, all the other roles can and will suffer. This is why setting boundaries between your other roles and your relationship is so important. Setting these boundaries starts with identifying what both partners need to feel connected and being intentional about carving out time in your busy schedule to prioritize your relationship. For most couples that means literally sitting down and picking a day to plan out your week and schedule time for your relationship. Whether it be in 10 to 30 minute increments or longer. Also identify how frequent during the week you would like to spend time together, whether that be daily or one night a week. I know… I know, this is the part where you start thinking about how busy your life is and how there is no time. Often times when planning, we get overwhelmed and fixated on the many reasons our plans won’t work. When setting boundaries with things outside of your  relationship, it is also important to be realistic. Write out a list of potential barriers together and then put your minds together to identify and list possible solutions to these barriers. Push yourself to be creative and use your supports no matter how reluctant you may feel in doing so, this is about your relationship, it has to be your top priority.

TIP 2- A check in a day keeps the arguments at bay!

There are many couples out there who feel like they struggle connecting because they are consistently not on the same page. Once again due to the demands of life we have grab and go interactions with our spouse. A quick three sentences here, a short one line directive there, and before we know it, conflict arises. It can be very hard to be understanding of your partners needs when a majority of your communication happens in passing. Check-in’s can and will remedy this quick, fast and in a hurry. Throughout our relationships, we are constantly growing and becoming new people with new needs and desires. Check-ins create a safe space  for you and your partner to share perspectives, feelings, and recent personal developments that may have gone unseen. This is something that you and your partner need to make time for daily or at minimum 2 to 3 times a week. This can be done over a morning coffee, over a lunch break, at the dinner table if you are alone, or just before bedtime. It’s also really important to have structure to your check in. Here are some ideas that couples have found helpful when trying to implement regular check in’s.

·      Each partner takes turns sharing

·       Try to keep your share under 5 mins to allow for understanding and responses from your partner.

·      Don’t try to fix it! This is time for expressing yourselves not to problem solving.

·      Be curious about what your partners share; ask questions to learn more about their thoughts and feelings.

·      Ask for updates from a previous share or if there is anything new with your partner you may not be aware of.

Checking in is a great way to improve communication and connection while removing assumptions that lead to arguments . Making time for your partner helps them to feel heard and valued. 

TIP#3- Date night for the win

When a couple has been together for some time,  things start to fall by the wayside, especially when you start to have a family. One of the first things to go is date nights. This is sad but true, it’s very common for us to neglect the romantic parts of our relationship and yet we will still expect there to be intimacy in the relationship. Money doesn’t grown on trees and neither does intimacy, you have to work for both! Setting a consistent date night schedule  is like the light at the end of the tunnel for couples who are feeling over worked and under appreciated. They can provide a sense of joy and excitement as both partners look forward to the next fun night in or out. Just in case you were wondering, yes you can date at home. It doesn’t take much to have a fun date night but it does take spontaneity and intentionality. Scheduling a weekly or biweekly date night is something I highly recommend. It is not healthy for any relationship if a month passes and there has not been at least one date. Some of us also have stopped dating because it’s become boring or we’re unsure of what a date looks like after being in a long-term relationship. Here are some practical ideas and resources to spice up your date night especially for those who are on a budget or just don’t know how to plan a date night. 

·      Create a date jar full of random date ideas and draw from it once a week. You can also purchase these online.

·      Search the Internet for date ideas( there are lists everywhere)

·      I take up couples projects or classes that require you to work together

·      Book a room at a local hotel for a change of scenery

·      Take a day trip to a nearby beach or city

·      Try cooking a new recipe together

·      Complete one of your partners bucket list activities

These are just some of the ideas couples have found to be beneficial in the past and it really helped to bring back that romantic flair to their relationship. Date nights are essential to relationships this should be a non-negotiable top priority. Hopefully this provides you with  practical information and ways to prioritize your relationship. Making sure you have a plan for your marriage Is a major step in prioritizing your relationship. It is one of the best decisions you can make for your relationship and I promise you … you will not regret it.         

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