5 Ways to Face Father's Day
/Father’s Day is rapidly approaching! Are you ready? I know this year it will be quite different for all of us despite stores starting to open and going from Red level to Yellow level and to a few lucky areas to Green level. I know it has all been very overwhelming in so many ways! However, we can and will get through it!
I know some of my fondest memories of Father’s Day were when I was quite young. My favorite memory is that we would get Dad a cake with plastic wingtip shoes on it. Of course, the cake was for him, but my Dad would always give me the plastic shoes to put on my beloved Grover toy. I am blessed to have had many more Father’s Days with my Dad and I pray for many more too even though we tend to drive each other “nuts”. I am excited to see what this Father’s Day brings us to create good memories with.
COVID-19 and the changes related to it are hardly the biggest issue or thoughts on the minds of many people. Sadly, many people are missing their dads even more as we approach Father’s Day. Perhaps, this is their first Father’s Day without their Dad or the umpteenth Father’s Day missing their Dad. Either way, the pain is very real and my heart aches for them. People can miss their Dad due to ongoing social distancing, death of their Dad, loss of a relationship with their Dad, or loss of who their Dad truly is and was due to Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia.
Sadly, people are not just missing their Dads this Father’s Day. Fathers are missing their children. Some children are too far away to visit, some cannot visit due to social distancing, some are estranged, and sadly, some are no longer alive. Parents say “my children should not die before me” but this is not always the case. I see the pain in my Dad’s eyes every year around Father’s Day due to missing my brother who died in 1999. However, he still celebrates with me since we are at least still together. You can read more about grieving in my blog on grieving here.
My heart aches for those who are missing their Dads and sons this year. I cannot imagine not having my Dad with me to drive him nuts and him to drive me even nuttier. I say this with much love! I want to take this time to express my sincerest sympathies to those who are not blessed enough to be able to spend Father’s Day 2020 with their Dads, Grandpas, sons, etc. I also want to be able to provide some strategies to help those who are grieving at least have some enjoyment and smiles this Father’s Day.
Here are 5 ways to approach Father’s Day this year:
1. Cherish and share with others the memories of your Dad: People have good, bad, ugly, and funny memories. Think about your Dad and connect with others who can share with you things about your Dad that you may not know such as his antics as a child or his adventures in dating. You will learn lots about your Dad that you did not know and may think “I really didn’t need to know that” or you could have new memories to lean on! I recently shared with some friends that when I first was going out to learn to drive my Dad put on my brother’s football helmet and grabbed a bag to use as his “barf bag”. Of course, I did not think it was funny then but thinking back on it now, it makes me laugh at how he was trying to calm me down but in all reality, like a typical teenager, I was embarrassed and irritated with him. Look at old pictures, movies, and collections that your Dad kept. You may find a hidden treasure that is likely more sentimentally valuable then financially valuable.
2. Do something that celebrates your Dad: Perhaps fire up the grill and cook a yummy steak and sit around a fire in the backyard telling stories with and or about your Dad. Light a tiki torch in his honor. Plant a tree in honor and memory of your Dad. The possibilities are endless, even as we social distance ourselves! I am thinking that my Dad and I will wash and wax our cars since he loves doing it so much!
3. Create and build something in honor and memory of your Dad. My Dad always shares about how he and his Dad built a Dune Buggy. He still pulls out pictures of this. Perhaps you can put together a model car together or in his memory. Maybe you can do an addition to the deck or build a firepit. Maybe you can even build a bookshelf to display pictures of the family on. The possibilities are endless!
4. Communicate with you Dad. Yes, you read that correctly! I said communicate with your Dad. Talk to him. Write him a letter. Sing to him. Write a poem or song for your Dad. Just communicate with him somehow even by drawing something. Two of my favorite movies are Grumpy Old Men and Grumpier Old Men. Maybe you will go fishing like they did or sit along a lake and talk and drink (not necessarily alcohol-maybe tea or a soda) and eat-even bacon as it was mentioned in the movies.
5. Allow yourself to feel and express real emotions! Cry! Scream! Laugh! Perhaps, do all of the mentioned! Your feelings are yours and are not wrong! No filtering of feelings and emotions! Don’t try to protect others by hiding your feelings for it will only cause you more pain. As a popular song says “Shout, shout, let it all out”! I know this was in the blog I wrote about Mother’s Day but it is too good and important not to include it here.
Father’s Day comes once a year yet it is one very powerful emotional day for many of us! We are here for you at The Counseling Collective. Please reach out to us to talk and to get help. You are not alone and we care!
The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.