The Art of Being Alone

Do you find that you surround yourself with others simply to pass the time, or doing things you don’t enjoy just to have something to do?  In today’s hyperconnected world, people are often never alone so that when it does happen, they have no idea how to cope with that fact and are quite unhappy in their own company.  And now, dealing with COVID and the a stay at home order, many of us find ourselves alone since we can’t leave our houses much anymore.

When asked what scares people the most, many people will say “ending up alone”.  We as humans have a need for others, the attention and companionship that they bring to the table along with love and support.  Especially in trying times such as this pandemic, everyone wants to feel as if the whole world isn’t weighing down on their shoulders, and that is easier when no going about it solo.  Whether it be a friend or a loved one, or even a partner, everyone wants to be loved or surrounded by the comfort of another.   

While being alone scares many, there is a big difference in being alone and being lonely.  To be alone is physical, you by yourself in solitude.  Versus being lonely, a feeling that can cause many feelings of sadness or anxiety.  While everyone feels loneliness, it is how you cope with it that is the issue.   A person with a healthy mindset will take loneliness and make the most of it or resolve it.  A person who has dealt with trauma or has an unhealthy mindset with struggle with loneliness and fear it, causing dread and anxiousness.  Some even resort of substances abuse or unhealthy behaviors or actions to help cope with the feeling of loneliness and to pass the time.  There are healthy things that can be done to assist in combatting loneliness so that you can become confident in being alone in a healthy mindset.  

Here are some suggestions of ways to help manage this time of being alone so that it doesn’t become loneliness:

1.     Ask yourself why you fear being alone:  Most often this fear can be traced back to a previous time or event.  Many that have gone through a form of trauma deal with the fear of being alone the most.  Whether it is the grieving of a loved one, or separation from a spouse, or even the loss of a job, they often struggle with being on their own.  One may ask themselves if this fear stems from something that happened in their past that may not have been dealt with or if there is a current event that is transpiring.  This may be painful to do, but once realized it can help to move past it so that being alone isn’t so terrifying.  

2.     Journaling: Keeping a journal is a great way to get out of your own head.  Start by writing down your thoughts on what you are feeling, and why you might be feeling this way.  One you identify your feelings of what starts these feelings or if there is a specific time frame that it happens most often, then you begin to address it and move forward.  Within your journal you can create a plan of action and any goals that you may want to accomplish in order to tackle this fear and move past it.  Check out this blog post for more on gratitude journaling, or this video for more journaling tips.

3.     Explore new hobbies:  Since most of the time we spend around others is entertaining, caretaking, or working, it can hard to make time for the things that truly interest us.  Use this alone time to find something that piques your interest.  Don’t have a hobby, then try them all!  Find something that you are passionate about.

4.     Strengthen your current relationships:  While this may sound crazy, those who are secure with the relationships they have in life may feel more secure while alone as well.  When you feel as if there is no one out there, it could make being alone even more daunting versus knowing you have someone to call if you needed to.   Strengthen your safety net. 

5.     Get outside:  If you are able, then take a walk and enjoy your surroundings.  Sitting inside in one spot can only lead to more feelings of isolation as the rest of the world seems to pass you by, leaving you in isolation.  So, take a walk in your neighborhood, or find a trail outside at a local park.  

6.     Talk to a therapist:  Feeling alone and anxious doesn’t have to be something you go through alone.  Schedule a session with a licensed therapist so that they can better assist you in your struggle through these feelings and the best methods of how to address it.  Therapist are non-judgmental, open minded, and will take the time to listen to you and offer a fresh perspective that you might be missing on your own.  

While life may keep you busy majority of the time, there will inevitably come that time that you are left alone.  Being alone can be daunting and whether you like it or not feelings of loneliness will occur.  It is okay to have these feelings, if you know how and can deal with them in a healthy way.