Dealing With Uncertainty

What do we do with uncertain times like the ones that we're currently living in?  Questions like this surely come up: When will the quarantine be completely over?  When will I be going back to my office to work?  Will the kids start school in the fall?  Will someone that I care about get sick?  Will I get sick?  How is COVID-19 impacting the economy?  We have many questions right now and not a whole lot of answers.  

Uncertainty is really hard for us.  As humans, we love knowing.  We love knowing what to expect.  We love routines.  We love being certain of things. We love structure.  Our brains are hard-wired to create these shortcuts for us that help us to understand our world.  We are bombarded with information and stimuli to our senses every minute of the day. Our brains have developed an ability to filter out unimportant information, make judgment calls about what's not important.  Based on our previous experiences, it’s a shortcut for our brain so it doesn’t have to pay attention to everything.  I wrote about these shortcuts in this blog. We look to the things we are certain of to help us make sense of our world.

Dealing with these uncertain times can be very hard for a lot of people.  There's nothing wrong with wanting to know and wanting to be certain.  But there are definitely going to be times like this that we just can't know everything.  There's just uncertainty in our lives sometimes whether we want there to be or not.  So what do you do with that uncertainty? And, how can you manage your feelings….the anxiety and worry that might come with that?  

Here’s a great technique to try:

Make a list of the things that you're worried about or all of the things that are bothering you right now.  Then, ask yourself is this something I can control, or can I do something about this?  Go through and cross off things you can’t do anything about or that are out of your control.  Circle the things that ARE within your control. 

Figuring out what is within your control and what is not is the first step.  Let’s talk next about what to do with the things you’ve crossed out.  Those things that you can't control, the things that you can't do anything about, the things that are outside of your control and/or your influence those are the things that I would encourage you to work really hard at letting go or creating a plan B.  I realize that's difficult so let me explain….

Let’s say that you were planning this big outdoor party, maybe as a “quarantine is over”-and we’re going green party!  As the day is approaching, you're checking the weather report.  You're really worried that it's going to rain and the rain will ruin the party.  If you use this framework, asking yourself “can I control if it's going to rain?”  Then the answer is no and as best as you stalk the Weather Channel, it might still surprise you and there's rain when they weren’t calling for it.  Or it’s beautiful and the rain they were calling for doesn’t come.  Realizing I can't control if it's going to rain or not, and letting go of that uncertainty is going be better for your mental health.  In this example that we're working through here, I’d suggest a better option to that you create some sort of plan B for if it does rain.  Maybe you reserve a pavilion or a rain date just in case of rain. I can't control if it's going to rain, but if it does rain here's my plan B and I’m prepared regardless. Being prepared helps to reduce the worry about uncertainty.  If you can’t be prepared, the other option is to cross it off your list and tell yourself “I can’t do anything about this, there is no point in worrying about it.”

Next, let’s talk about the things you can do something about, the things that you are able to influence and that you circled from your list.  I would encourage you to take action steps on those things.  Create a game plan - this is what I need to do today or this is what I got to take care this week. I got to make these phone calls or send this email….whatever the case.  The things you can control…. do something about now, or have a plan to do something.  If need be, breaking these down into smaller more manageable bits can help too.

If you're able to take the things that you're worried about, take all of this uncertainty that we're all dealing with, filter it through “what's in my control versus what's not”, then letting go of the things that are outside of your control.  You are able to come up with strategies or action plans, really specific goals for the things that you can do something about.  That is going to help you to handle the uncertainty that we're all dealing with.

While we can’t completely eliminate uncertainty, we can figure out different ways to deal with it in healthy ways.  Give this a try and let us know how it helps!

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.