6 Ways To Deal With Stress As A Caregiver During The Holidays

At any point in the year, when there are expectations for caregivers that go above and beyond their everyday obligations, especially during holidays, caregivers need extra support! On top of getting your care receiver to their appointments, doing your laundry, managing outside work (if you have a full- or part-time paid job), and making sure the driveway is shoveled, you feel the pressure of getting holiday meals ready, and preparing the house for guests (in my house, this is a week-long event). Do you feel like you have to be a Super Human to get it all done? It is normal to feel overwhelmed, completely exhausted, and like it’s hard to actually feel joy. Luckily, I am here today to give you some support and guidance. 

Here are 6 ways to deal with stress as a caregiver during the holidays: 

1.     I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you CAN’T do it ALL. If you try to prove me wrong, you may end up crying, huddled in a corner somewhere, and no one wants that! Please don’t hesitate to ask family and friends to bring a side dish or appetizer so you don’t have to prepare all the food. If you’re able, hire someone (or enlist help from friends) to tidy the house so you aren’t stuck doing all the laundry and dusting of surfaces. It takes a village!

2.     Keep expectations reasonable. If you plan to do 8 hours of work in a 5-hour window of available time, you will likely be disappointed, unless you’ve figured out a way to manipulate time in which case I’d like to learn that trick. Be realistic about the time it will take to wrap gifts, drive people places, wait during your loved one’s appointments, etc. Be willing to adjust your exceptions. Anything you can’t handle you can delegate. I bet you’re thinking, “Easier said than done, lady.” I will get to that later…

3.     Just say no! I’m estimating about 75% of the population of the United States has difficulty saying no when people ask things of them. Most of that 75% is women, so don’t feel like you’re alone in that. Trust me when I say that you will be positioned to enjoy the holiday so much more if you strengthen your backbone and say “no” when too much is piled on your plate. As a side note, keeping your expectations reasonable will help you figure out when your plate is full. 

4.     Prioritize your needs. How can you be expected to take care of someone else when you’re running on fumes in your body’s gas tank? It just doesn’t work. It gets ugly. Resentful. Sad. Hopeless. If you take time to figure out what you need to be your best self, and then plan to meet those needs (put it in your calendar), you will be so much more mentally present for your loved ones and feel so much better about the work you ARE doing! Don’t forget to take care of YOU. 

5.     Side note on prioritizing your needs – If you find yourself not knowing what your needs are, feeling like your brains have turned to scrambled eggs, and wanting to fly off to Italy to escape the insanity that is Holiday Time in the United States, here’s what I would like you to do. First, make sure that anyone you’re responsible for is in a safe state. Then, sit down. In the car, on the toilet, in your stairwell, outside, wherever. Close your eyes. Cry if you want to, for as long as you want to. Then, catch your breath. 

Here’s how I want you to do 5 breaths: Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for 5 seconds, emptying your belly and chest of all the air. You can open your eyes for your breaths if you want. The purpose of this is to bring your body out of panic mode and trigger the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for decreasing your respiration and heart rate, allowing you to relax.

At this point, you will be better able to check in with yourself and notice what your body and mind need.

6.     Lastly, ENJOY YOURSELF! Enjoy the music, the decorations, the time spent with family online or in-person (yeah, this year is WEIRD), the cooler weather, some hot cider or hot chocolate, and refill your body’s gas tank. Remember - everyone is cuter when they smile! And who doesn’t secretly (or not-so-secretly) want to look cute in photos this year?

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Who does this person think she is? How in the world am I going to convince my family and friends to help me out when their energy and time are limited too?” If taking care of yourself and setting limits with other people are things you really struggle with, I would love to meet with you and give you support, especially right now as holidays are creeping up. I look forward to hearing from you! 

The mental health therapists at our office offer counseling for a variety of issues including trauma using EMDR, depression, anxiety, grief, and couples counseling. We work with teens, adults, and couples. We also offer online counseling services which can be great for people with busy schedules or for people who live in parts of Pennsylvania with limited counseling options. You can check out our website to see the full list of counseling services that we offer. Or, Request An Appointment here.